The power of words.

While I have never regretted my choice to leave America behind and head on over to the Czech Republic, there have been times when I have felt so isolated and miserable it was almost unbearable. I have looked unhappy for months, exhausted from trying to put on a brave face and convince everyone around me how happy I was. It is surprising how a lie can become the truth, but only after admitting the falseness of it, especially to one's self.

The reality of it hit me Monday evening. As I went through the normal script of "what are you doing here? do you like it? etc" I found myself asking the interviewer "do you want the truth?". It was the first time I had allowed myself the simple task of repeating a question so many of my American friends have heard over the years, especially after learning my truth can sometimes be blunt and not always desired. When I received the  answer "Always the truth" I felt myself let loose, telling the feelings I have only expressed to a few American friends over here. It felt good to have the months of loneliness, frustration and sadness at not being able to share my ideas readily with those around me flow out of my mouth and off of my shoulders and soul, and a lightness come over me. The best part of this dialogue was to hear the interviewer agree with me, to commiserate with me, to understand my feelings, even share his own experiences of living in the UK, unable to really talk to people and explain what he meant, thought, and felt.

As we continued to talk about this, my good friend and the first person I met in CB, David, piped in with "You talk good now. Early, I no understand. Now, I understand much." It was in this moment it hit me. I had learned as much about communication from my Czech friends as my students had learned from me. The base of communication is language, this language can come in many forms: body, facial, hell even vibal language and sometimes these non-verbal languages speak louder than any words you whisper, say, shout or scream. You can lie, tell people you are happy and love it, but if your face, body and demeanor betray your true feelings, people will know.

On top of this non-verbal talking, I learned about the importance of word choice. I had assumed I always knew this, being a would be writer. There is a joy which comes from the discovery of the perfect word, allowing you to (hopefully) convey what you mean in a way which is both clear and poetic. However, when dealing with people who speak a different language than you, not only does poetics come into question, basic vocabulary does as well. Words you are sure people will understand are often as foreign to them as you are and words you are sure they wouldn't possibly know pop up at the strangest of times. This interesting dichotomy forces one to become a walking thesaurus, not for complicated, academic words, those are just left out most of the time, but for everyday words, really pushing the foreigner(in this case me) to find new ways of communicating even the basics of daily life. I have become a master at expressing things through simple words, noises and something resembling interpretative dance. It is really quite wonderful.

There is another advantage to this constant obsession with the "right" words. It has made me really look at my writing and what I want to say with each piece I create. Before, I was always flowery and over-wordy. Now, while I still love and enjoy playing with the poetic nature of the English language, I have learned to also think about what it is I want to really say and the best words for how to get that across to the reader. I think this is the best gift this country has given me.

I wish I knew months ago what I learned Monday night. Perhaps then I would have not hidden myself away afraid of misunderstandings in language. I wish I had realized the amazing lessons in words and communication I was getting from the Czechs and how, despite what some of them say, similar we are, at least when it comes to difficulties in language. I wish I had allowed myself to talk to them about the loneliness I felt at being misunderstood, instead of being so stupidly proud, if only to hear how human these feelings were. It is always a rude awaking to realize what a numpty one has been.

So to my lovely, lovely friends in the CB I say thanks for bearing with me. Thanks for teaching me how to really communicate. And finally, thanks for an amazing few weeks. I wish I had realized all of this sooner. It would have made my life a lot easier.